prjkthack

Saturday June 23, 2007
Confessions

I like reading confessions and knowing that my thoughts just aren’t my own. That others share my hopes and dreams, my faults and my problems. That I’m not alone. It makes me feel better.

“I hope when you see me, you smile just as much as I do when I see you.”

At the same time though, I find it utterly pointless. Yeah, just saying stuff can be good, but why not just say it to those who should be hearing it?

Fear. The fear that a few words could change everything - for better or for worse.

I know because I’m scared too. I want everyone else to tell me exactly what they’re thinking, yet at the same time, I don’t. Anything that they say could turn my world around. Then when it comes to me expressing how I really feel, I opt not to. Choosing instead to bottle it all inside until I get fed up. Then it comes out more harsh than how it originally should have. I’m terrified of what may happen. I’m terrified of the guilt, and the sadness, and of all the horrible things that I’ll feel afterward.

“i’m scared you’ll realize i’m not as great as you make me out to be”

It’s hard to ignore the worst case scenario. It’s always glaring right at you… taunting you. Telling you that if you say even one word, that everything will fall apart.

I’ve made some progress in dealing with that fear. I’m much more open to actually say how I feel, regardless of what might happen afterward. Maybe that’s all because of recent events, or maybe it’s simply because I’m growing.
—-

I want to be able to hold you, and say how much I love you. I want you to want to hold me and tell me how much you love me. I want to stay up at all hours of the night and just hear you breathe.

I’m here for you, and I hope you’ll be there for me for a long time to come.

“for once i want some one to think i’m the one worth fighting for…”

Permalink  ·  06.23.07, 04:50 AM  ·  Tags: personal

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