Potential
      Saturday November 08, 2008

It’s a rather cold night tonight. Colder than most. It’s a sign that winter is upon us.

Ever start on something, and then half-way through, realize that what you started is no longer what you wanted? I can be really indecisive. I’ve had this happen to me on numerous instances. Yet its one of those things that you never learn to prevent. It is something that you just start, and then by nature, really figure it out later on during the process.

I think at this point, I’m just rambling. I’ve been doing that more often lately. Not really thinking about what I’m actually saying and just saying it.

I just texted Teddy and told him that I was feeling emo. He immediately assumed that I meant the sad, lonely, cut-your-wrist kind of emo. What people don’t always realize though, is that emo does not only refer to sad emotions. It can be a wide range of emotions. There are days when I feeling just about everything at once. The good and the bad, the sad and the happy. Times like these I feel like hiding under a blanket and never coming out.

I’ve been putting myself out there a lot lately. When I say a lot, I mean it. I think that I’m going to have to slow down a bit and take a break. Get my feet back on the ground. Certainly getting out there is a great feeling, but it leaves much to be desired. It’s time to get back to me (I think I’ve said that before recently).

I just caught up on a couple episodes of One Tree Hill. Man, if I were involved in that kind of drama, I’d have probably gone crazy. For some reason though, that’s the kind of drama I want to be around. Despite all the bad stuff, there is so much love and so much happiness. It just feels normal and proper. Well, maybe except for the murder, but still, even that in itself can be exciting (yes, that sounds terribly mean).

Party at the end of the month. Schedules changing in the middle of the month (and I’m crossing my fingers for that 4-day work week). Just completed a year with Helio. Three dates with you so far. Getting back into gaming, slowly but surely. Gaining weight again, finally. New music. New light bulb. Sadness over the passing of Prop 8. A little more tolerance for something that I used to not enjoy. Trust and amazement for someone who I just was unsure about. A new opportunity. Still having ‘fun’. Much happiness that Obama was elected. Upgraded to Mines of Moria. Subscribed to Zune Pass.

I cannot wait to love again.

Of Dust And Nations
      Monday October 13, 2008

My friends, both old and new, have brought back what I have been missing. Something that most of us don’t realize is missing until after the fact. I feel normal again.

People have brought up some interesting points recently. How and why things happen the way that they do, progression and the past, priorities and time, the laws of attraction and sex, the dating game and all that’s involved, being prepared and not being ready. Suffice to say, things are much different than they were one year ago. I’m not the same person that I once was, and things have changed so quickly in the past three weeks that its been simply amazing.

Every single bit of it has been a breath of fresh air.

Speaking of the dating game, it’s time to get back into it. I’ve met some pretty great people over the past few weeks, and while I’m not holding out for anything, I am keeping my options open. It’s been a rather interesting ride so far, so we’ll see where it goes.

I had a new design in the pipeline, and it was just about done. Some stuff happened though, so I don’t know when I’m going to be able to push out anything new. We shall see. I’ve got a lot of inspiration bottled up right now, so I hope something comes out of that.

Surgery rescheduled for Thursday, but work continues until then. Business meeting sometime this week (hopefully). Another date. More gaming and Smash Bros. New music and new friends. More shopping and new clothes. Sleepless nights caused by incredibly long phone calls (726 minutes so far).

“So put your faith, in more than steel...”

Elegy
      Wednesday October 01, 2008

You break free of something, and while everything is coming apart, you also see it coming together. It’s both an ugly and beautiful sight. One that cannot be defined or categorized. Something you hope you never see again, but from time to time desire.

Things are in motion once again. Moving forward, or backwards, depending on how you look at it. It’s time to build new things and fix all the broken ones. Throw out the stuff that did nothing, and abandon everything (and sometimes everyone) you thought you knew.

Hearts break and tears are shed. You know what you’ve done, but sometimes you can’t help it. You feel guilty and bitter at the same time. You wish for things to be the same, yet you wish for it to have never started in the first place. You realize how different things could have been, though all your experiences tell a different story.

We move past the destruction of what we once were, and step into the ashes of ourselves.

Push through, and don’t look back.

Echoes
      Sunday September 07, 2008

So make your wish.
Do you have it?
Good.
Now believe in it.

With all your heart.

I guess I really haven’t been in the writing mood. Everytime I try to write, I feel blocked by something. I don’t know if its something going on right now, or if it happens to be something in the past… heck, maybe its related to the future. I hope that it goes away. I miss my ability to write one paragraph after another.

The Thrice concert was awesome. They played some of their old stuff, which I never really got into. Hearing it again made me go back and rediscover the music that I’ve missed from them. Some of the stuff from the Red Sky EP has caught my attention, along with a few songs from Identity Crisis and Artist In The Ambulance. Makes me wonder why I ever removed the older stuff to begin with. I still like The Alchemy Index better, but all their music holds a place in my playlist.

Seeing my friends was even more awesome. I don’t always get the things that they say and do now. I suppose i’m no longer part of the circle, but I still enjoy their company very much. It’s a rare chance I get every now and then to just go crazy.

I’ve always wanted to eat at Ninniku-ya, and today was the day that I finally got to. All the garlic infused foods were absolutely delicious. They gave a generous portion of steak with a delicious sauce, numerous dipping sauces and a few sides. I loved it. Totally worth all the waiting and wanting. Of course it came at a price. The meal was almost $100 for just the two of us, which I guess isn’t too bad when you think about it. Then again, its not normal that I pay nearly $100 for a 2-person meal.

There are a lot of things on my mind, especially as of late. I’ve lost a few things recently, but I’ve also gained other things. Life is all about balance, and keeping that balance is most difficult.

Quincy just left, and while I realize its only for a few weeks, I’m still going to miss the nights at Starbucks, at least until he gets back. Marc has decided not to remain here in the islands, and will be moving back in a few weeks, which also makes me sad. A few people have left the office recently, and while I didn’t know them very well, I know they are people I know I could’ve grown to love. I’m going to miss my morning coffee with Brandi. Ricci is making me an alcoholic, which is fun, but probably not a good thing. I have to try and pace myself.

I’ve typed a good size entry today. Funny how after I complained about not being able to do so, I end up with more than what I expected. Anyway, I have work tomorrow. Have a great night.

4:03 PM
      Wednesday September 03, 2008

Holy crap. Our soda machines accept credit cards now. That will not be good for my bank account.

I keep meaning to write more, but of course, I’m so busy now that I can’t sit down for a few minutes to do any one thing.